After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:5 (NIV)
Thursday, March 27, 1997 (Maundy Thursday).
My wife and I went to Maundy Thursday services. I had planned to participate in the ritual foot-washing, so I took the time to wash my feet carefully, and put on my best socks and shoes in preparation.
I had never been to a church that did foot-washing and I was not even aware that our church did either. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples and told them to then wash each other=s feet. It is very moving.
Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
John 13:14-17 (NIV)
Soon after arrival, I knew that I could not join in the foot-washing because the Holy Spirit began to take hold of me and I began to grieve what had happened to Jesus on the cross. I grieved as if I had personally put Him there. I took full responsibility and I was just torn with grief at what I had done.
I prayed constantly throughout the service. I prayed that Jesus would forgive me for what happened to him, and to forgive all men for the way we treated him. I became so emotional that I knew that if I tried to wash someone’s feet, I would make a spectacle of myself in front of everyone, and would probably spoil the mood for everyone.
When the ministers began to remove the church fixtures, candles, podium, and communion cups as they began the ritual of stripping the church, I became more and more distraught, and began to sob. I had not known what Astrip the church@ meant, but it hit home and I was torn apart.
There was no way I could hide it or control myself. Thankfully, as part of the ritual, they dimmed the lights and we were left in the dark to suffer the loss of Christ. When the service was over, I completely broke down, crying on everyone’s shoulder and had to ask my wife to drive me home. In the car I was in total and uncontrollable grief to the point that she almost stopped the car.
I had spells of crying all evening long. It was as if I had lost everybody I had ever loved all at once. Every time I thought of the church, I thought of Jesus on that cross and then I would break down again.
Friday, March 28, 1997 (Good Friday).
At prayers, about 1:00 A.M. the night of Maundy Thursday, (actually now Friday morning) I asked God again for forgiveness. I was sincere about asking him to forgive me for what I had done to Him on the cross.
I somehow felt personally responsible for Christ=s death. When I began to find peace in my prayers, I proceeded with two requests.
The first was that He allow me to see or talk to my Mother, and the other that He allow me to have spoken words accompany my visions. As I explained it to God, I needed to tell my Mother how sorry I was that I had not been able to minister to her while she was dying of lung cancer the year before.
I also explained to Him that the visions were difficult to interpret without words accompanying them. I was afraid that I was going to read something into the visions that were not right.
Soon I had a vision of a very small, very distant light that became a white mist, sort of spiral shaped, highlighted by orange. It was somewhat like a distant cloud at dusk, lighted by an orange sun over the horizon. Out of that spiral came a woman, at first very small, very far away.
She was flying, almost swimming toward me very rapidly, still moving through the spiral mist, twisting to its shape as she came toward me. As she grew nearer, it was apparent that it was a young woman with dark hair.
She was draped with a white strip of cloth around her breasts and trailing past her feet, but showing that she was very scantily dressed. Her face was filled with joy!
Not recognizing the woman, and fearing that this was some unwanted fantasy, I rejected the vision and it disappeared. Immediately afterward, I began to think that this could easily have been my mother when she was about the age she was when I was born. That would explain the look of joy on her face as she approached me.
Soon I became convinced that it was Mother and I began to cry out AMother, I’m so sorry that I rejected you!@
By then it was too late, and I have never had the opportunity to see her again in my visions. She has reappeared in some dreams however, and I am always glad to see her, and we often talk in my dreams. But, I know that they are just dreams. In my dreams, she is always young and very much alive. I will see her when my flame moves to the other side of the window and I join her with God.
There were no words spoken in this vision, as there have been no words in any other vision that I have had up to this point, nor within this vision.
However, the following morning, I had the surprise of my life when I heard The Eulogy. My prayer for spoken words had been answered in an unexpected manner.
I learned the hard way that you have to be careful what you pray for! (Next)